It's been an insane past 2 years.
Change is definitely inevitable.

But some questions haven't been answered for the past 5+ years.
Still lost.
Still wandering.
But still here (:

Been thinking alot, maybe too much.

please stop me.

Without a vision, the people perish.

It all means so much more when it happens to you.
If only it were signs.

I need a purpose.

GIMME A SIGN!!!

Dying on the inside. My soul feels empty and hollow.
I feel like a ghost, just wandering around aimlessly.
Maybe that's the answer to my horrendous attitude and stupidity.
Sigh.

help?

It's CRUNCH TIME!

Gonna blow my brains out.

Wazzzup!

Life is as mundane as it can be for now.
Bored with life!!! gahH~

Need a hol asap.

Hopefully we have enough moolah so I can go aussie and stay there forever. muahahha~
Away from all this.

When I look back and see what our family has become, it feels like a business. Like when u're born, u're contractually bound to night of the living dead. Oh, don't get me wrong, you can have ur say. Ya, say whatever you want. Whether u're allowed to do whatever it is u say, that's a whole other thing.

Need to find a way outta this hellhole.
Feel like I'm suffocating. Everything seems frowned upon.
What we say are excuses,
What she says is "the law".
Why? "BECAUSE I'M THE MOM!"

Then I'm rembred of our "contract".
Under conditions it says, that we are to feel obliged to night of the living dead (NOLD) the rest of our lives for our upbringing, for the finances we require, for the responsibilities that we apparently brought and for the tireless hours of work. It is this condition that holds us back. Well, me at least.

Will I be seen as an ingrateful ass? What will they say?

Couldn't care less.

The 1 thing this "contract" has taught me, is to not care too much. If you do, you'll be stepped all over, stomped to the ground. And trying to resist this movement, will only land you being blamed for not laying down and be made used of. From then on, that condition will be waved in your face to fully cement right in the recess of your brain. Be warned, you will be pegged as unfeeling, selfish and ungrateful...etc. The degree of  your "insolent" behaviour is dependent on the wrath and unreasonability of NOLD.

Run, you fools!

What to do when you don't know what to do?

Indeed, without a vision the people perish.

Frustrated.
Tired.
Aimless.

Definitely not living a life worthy of His praise.

I know and yet I don't.

Do you know it's worth? Along the way, I left that all behind. Maybe even my brain, heart and...possibly me.

 My daily routine. haha.
Mosey on.

Been up since 10am and I've done an insignificant amount of work.
MUST. START. NOW!

Stop lingering and dilly-dallying. gahhH~ someone help me get my discipline back.